Do you ever feel so overwhelmed that you don’t know where to start? I’ve felt this way more times since having kids than I did all together in that “life” I had before them.
Really, what overwhelmed me then? Getting the right classes in college? The dog getting bored in her kennel? Whether or not the boss might turn me down when I wanted a day off?
Oooooh, heavy stuff there pre-kids Jessica. Heavy. Stuff.
If I was one of “those” bloggers, I’d say I had some amazing 10-step process to feeling less overwhelmed. But I’m not. I don’t have any special tricks or steps. I just have the knowledge that we are all dealing with something. Or somethings. And that eventually we’re going to pull on our big-girl panties or big-boy tighty whities and push through it.
Today was an overwhelmed day.
The Bensten miracles were double booked. Jackson had a 9 a.m. GI appointment in Suffolk and Abby had a 9:20 a.m. Rehab appointment in Williamsburg. Ev took Jackson and I took Abby. And Jackson was upset with me last night that I “picked” Abby’s appointment over his. #miracleproblems
I can’t even with these two.
Since I’d been present at Jackson’s endoscopy in August, where the doctor said everything looked normal, I felt I really needed to be at Abby’s appointment more. She’s gotten so tight in her left ankle that it’s causing problems.
Well, turns out, I needed to be at BOTH. Jackson’s biopsy came back that he has Eosinophilic Esophagitis. Yea, thanks for the call with the biopsy report there, guys. No news is “good news” in my book, not “let’s just wait to tell them until their follow-up appointment” two months later.
“Eosinophilic esophagitis (or “EE,” and also known as “EoE”) is an allergic reaction that causes inflammation and damage to the esophagus, the muscular tube that connects mouth to stomach.”
Upon reading tonight, looks like in some cases, it can be caused by radiation to the area. Poor kid. Next call is to the allergist to try to test and see what’s triggering it. Probably including another scope at some point. I’m just glad we’ve found out what it is, so we can start fixing these tummy aches. He’s having them quite often.
At Abby’s appointment, we collectively decided it’s time for Botox. I DID ask for some between my eyebrows but got a firm “no.” (I thought me and Abs could have a Botox party but I think we live in the wrong state for that. Plus, you know, she’s three.)
Abby’s going to have three Botox injection on her leg calf and ankle to loosen up all the tightness. Takes about five minutes. Then, about two weeks after she gets those, she’ll get put into a walking boot that keeps her ankle stretched 24 hours a day for six weeks or so. I’m sure she’ll be just THRILLED with that new accessory.
But I know we’ve got to do something. She’s consistently walking on her toes and her balance is not good. With kids with CP, growth spurts are the work of the devil. All that work you do to loosen up their tight muscles…and then they grow…and it’s like starting from scratch all over again. Which would explain why Abby’s taken some many tumbles lately. There’s nothing we can really do about her balance and coordination — that’s from the initial brain injury way back in the NICU — but we can give her the best chance at improving her mobility by physical therapy, bracing and Botox.
…And then, there’s little Bonus Bensten. We’re just about 34 weeks! Meaning I’m at the doctor twice a week for non-stress tests and checkups. I’ll do whatever keeps us healthy, but it’s a lot of juggling with the kids, work and my energy level of ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.
I did not share earlier that they suspected a hole in little Bonus’ heart at 20 weeks. They brought us in at 24 weeks for a more detailed ultrasound where both the tech and doctor believed he did have one.
As my darling husband said while I’m trying not to ugly cry: “Well…we don’t do normal.” No truer statement has ever come out of his mouth.
So I went in at 28 weeks for a special cardiac ultrasound and, turns out, his heart is actually JUST FINE. If there had been a hole earlier, it had already closed up. If there was one, she couldn’t find it. And she was the expert.
We just got scheduled for my c-section on November 11. It seems really close and also, really far away. We’ve still got to put together the nursery. And I can’t believe Jackson and Abby are going to have all this going on at the same time. Talk about head spinning. And I know we have great family that will step in to help, but I’m their MOM, and I want to do it. It’s important to me, only I can ask my questions.
So anyway, overwhelmed.
Tonight, I’m not sure where to start to figure this all out. But I know I will. Just as you will figure out your own.
For now, a peanut butter cookie sounds like the best first step. I’ll start there.